sundial_dream

From where you are

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 09:24:13 GMT

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<i>Lifehouse - From where you are</i>

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things I never thought that they�d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they�d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

Learning how to unlearn

Sat, 14 Feb 2009 05:53:34 GMT

I am finally updating this virtual space of mine.

It has already been almost 6 months since I stepped into the society. Many earth-shaking events (my convocation wasnt one of them, that's for sure)have occurred and I am lucky enough to experience it in my lifetime (will it stretch beyond my lifetime??). The global economic crisis will be one of the more revolutionary events in the business world after the Great Depression. *Lucky huh...* This is a time of CHANGE (Ya, not as if I dunno, change is the only thing that remains constant). The success of businesses strategies adopted years back will be put to test. Only the strong and robust (/conservative??) businesses will withstand the crisis . It is a time of truth, a time of judgment, a time of re-structuring, a time of improvement, a time of changing perceptions. Only the strong minded will emerge champions in this invincible battlefield of tragedy. Sad but true.

I guess I should count myself lucky to be able to stay employed in this global economic crisis. In one of the casual conversations with my fellow uni-mate, found out that some of his friends were sent out the doors after working for a couple of months. The common reason given was that the companies do not wish to spend their resources training them. This reinforces the importance of continual self learning even though we have stepped out education institution. We have to take ownership of our job-skills learning and do not rely on the company. The company can only assist in our learning process. Only I myself can help myself.

Cold as it may sound; this doesn�t mean we should be indifferent/isolate ourselves from the company. Hmm... The relationship between man and company is some what similar to that of a parent-child. Parents will assist in the child's development. If it does, it is a win-win situation. Child becomes a valve-added asset to the parent. However the child must be willing to develop in the first place and go the extra mile in search for their potential and passion. (Very ideologistic hor... i think so too. Wondering will I still be saying this if i am the one who kenna fired)

It will be a long torturous journey, but I want to believe that the emerging generation (young working adults) will make it through in this time of difficulties. Indeed it is easier to start anything from scratch because you set the tempo and definition. Saving an on-going thing is always much more challenging especially when we have to unlearn our pre-defined mind-set before we can adopt a new tempo/working style. It will be a tough battle ahead as we are all still learning to unlearn.

Learning how to unlearn
(I am unlearning the Always-kenna-squeeze-me-out-of-the-train-but-I-am-fine attitude and learning the STATE-oF-the-ART-I-will-get-my-space-in-the-train- but-still-remain-as-graceful-and-at-the-same-time-not-labelled-as-KIASU along the train platform. I am still learning to squeeze into the train every morning. * i dread the morning rush*)

Absolutely cranky

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 14:36:22 GMT

I had a great start to the year. My body was all geared up for all the challenges and obstacles ahead. The energy and spirit was excellent, as though I was fueling on red bull. Nothing could pull me down. I was happy being able to work and contribute to the society. At least I thought...

My mind is unsettle and my spirit is on roller coaster the last two days. The body started to throw tantrum. Undergoing two nights of unsettled rest has killed all the positive spirit. I am feeling even more tired every morning than the night before. This is bad. Consolation, I love my job and all the dreadfulness/tiredness it not because of working. All the ridiculous dreaming throughout the night is killing me gradually. It is a mental strain.

If I did my math correctly, there is a possibility that all the crankiness may be due PMS.
Whatever it is... I just want to get myself back. It is just too much for my body to take if this continues on.

I need to be well rested. It will be another hell of battle during CNY. *Sigh*

disillusional

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 08:55:36 GMT

Should I call it quits?

Was I being disillusional that things will turn out well?
Probably it is time for me to end this little chapter of my life.

Immeasurable Stupid

Sat, 20 Dec 2008 09:49:20 GMT

Been warned the torment that I've to go through but I've set my mind to the it regardless. This isnt the first and I doubt it will be the last. I taunt my stubbornness that taunts me.

"The glass is half full. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Happy ending. Things will fall in place to their rightful destinations" The immeasurable stupidity parasite that cant leave its host. Perhaps their coexistence is not symbiotic. After all birds of the same feather, flock together. The classic duo--dumb and dumber.

'Don't break my bubble' that's how my stubbornness would defend. Actually, please do not bother trying. My bubble is indestructible. Whenever my beliefs get contested, tears just flow and no longer than half a day, I'll resume living in my world. Blame it on my short term memory. Actually you cant because it is hereditary.

Immeasurable stupid girl.

December

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 15:57:52 GMT

Socializing has never been my cup of tea. Never like now or any time in future.

I've always labeled it as an adult stuff whereby people do to expand their social network and thereafter strengthen and assist their career development. I do not deny it does play a huge role in one's career after all working is never a one man show. Human relations among colleagues have always been a sensitive and critical factor to working. This does puts me at a disadvantage when bosses doesnt know my existence. Do I care less? Nope, because I am "Alice" in Wonderland-- living in a world on my own.

Today, I had to socialize with my working partners. No doubt, it is very weird for me-pretending to be an adult in the midst of adults. Though I love my Stella like any other adult, I dislike the socializing. Perhaps there werent any foundation for any conversation as my work never cross theirs. We lead parallel path in office for the last 3 months and I think it'll continue for the next few months. Who am I to them? I'm just someone who blends into the office furniture. How do I feel about it? Nonchalant. I just need my alcohol.

I enjoy drinking not because it detaches me from reality. A very unlikely reason anyone who have expected was intoxication makes me a logical person.Whenever I am intoxicated, I'll find myself engaged in some philosophical conversation. Weeks back, i was discussing the difficulties and problems in rearing kids in my our present double standard society. The other time with Joe, with life prospective. The new year drinking, we were talking about future and how zodiac readings come into play in affecting our lives. It was then I managed to show off my zodiac reading skills. Drinking detaches me from my world and delivers me back to the reality.

Many times I question myself whether I am an adult or not. I am hard at work like an adult, but I dread the dressing up and mature behavior which I have to exhibit in office. Other than the responsibilities and dressing up, work is great even though there are many things for me to learn. Work exercises my brain and excites me with the unthinkable. An idea strike me today and I feel like proposing to my boss to get me involve in some work so that I c an learn more. Perhaps I should do it in the coming week. As Kit would say, ask and you'll be given.

If given a chance, I would very much want to be myself in this chaotic adult world; dressed in my Hello Kitty T-shirt and crazy laughter as and when I want.

I am a little girl trap in an adult's body.

Element of Surprise

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 11:27:37 GMT

The year I turned 21, I unsubscribed caller ID. The element of surprise of not knowing who is at the other side of the line introduced excitment and hope (positive outlook) into my life. It was a year of change.

That's when I decided to be lesser of a control freak and let my hair down. Leading what I led the last years before was too taxing for my heart. The series of disappointments from unmet expectations (drawn by myself) made me fell deeper into the world of darkness.

A door closes is another door's open.

"Boo!" That's what greeted me at the door--the element of surprise. Today marks the 2nd anniversary of me embarking on the journey of what I call growing up/living the life. No doubt I have been feeling a little down recently but surprise sprinted out of the pillar and brought excellent news today. Though I have started subscribing to caller ID a few months back due to job hunting/work, surprise has not fogotten his good old friend.

Thank you.

halloween

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:35:14 GMT

Been awhile since I wrote. The inertia has started to grow on me recently after the old age question of "blogging == no privacy" dawn over me once again.

The thought that someone from office reads my blog sends creeps down my spine. On the other hand, there's nothing much for me to hide. It is true that I do behave differently in office and outside office. After all, I fall in the generation whereby we compartmentalize our lives; personal is personal, office is office. Blogging is like going naked with my thoughts. I have been hiding behind the working clothings trying to be an adult, earning an income just like any working class personnel. I cant imagine if someone from office sees me in an unprofessional manner in slippers, shorts and my hello kitty t-shirt over the weekend. What more, to discover my thoughts are on par with their 13 or 15 year old daughter. The fear is simple. Unprofessionally dressed may portray me as unprofessional at work. My immature/eccentric thoughts may lose confidence with the people I work with. This reminds me what JW told me a few weeks back, the image an educator has to carry throughout his/her life. No revealing clothings even after work for you never know where you'll meet your student and their parents. Whatever it is... I still have decided to blog, however, more discretely and cautious.

Tmr's finally the day. I am excited but not thrilled. I do hope it'll be a fruitful internship for I have been pinning for this day for so long.

Today's Chocolate cake reminded me how "child-like" my body is. My body responses to sugar like a little girl to chocolate--sugar rush. A sudden surge of happiness after indulging in a huge slice of chocolate cake. I would start humming tunes and smiling to myself. Reminds how I use to pump in tons and tons of chocolate whenever I feel sad to get myself "highs" to tide pass the depressive days during my 2nd and 3rd year of university. If not for chocolates, I do not know how I would have survived those 2 years. Chocolate was my miracle pill then. Maybe it still is... but i no longer have the need.

Oh, I got invited for a halloween party and I have yet decided what costume to wear. Feel like wearing the floral black dress I bought at the factory outlet... but it isnt creative enough. Misa to match Kit? Can do too... but I guess people will puke their dinner once they see me in that. I do not wish to clean the "mess". Friday from Adam's family? ... I have a few more days to churn up...

A series of incoherent and random thoughts...

Jinx

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 16:15:19 GMT

The person whom I am suppose to be attached to this week is in surgery. Is it solely me or coincidence? Jinx or vivid imagination?

Mr Chong, my piano teacher

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:17:12 GMT

Running my fingers along the keyboard was the bestest idea I had for awhile. Though a little rusty, the melody a little crackly, the sound produced is still as good as ever. I do enjoy playing the piano after so many years. The vibration of the air erased all the negative vibes and I felt revitalized. Thank you Mr Chong for parting a huge chunk of you to me--piano.

Though my sister and I learned under the same piano teacher, we had very different style of playing. Her music is gentle, mild and soothing like the trickling water along the streams. Mine on the other hand is emotional, vast intonation and overwhelming. The same person inspired us very differently. Perhaps the very difference was that Mr Chong was my only music teacher (he taught me for 13 over years since I was 6) while my sister had a few teachers before him.

I've always loved watching Mr Chong playing the piano. His pieces never fail to bring me to another world. He has a pair of magical fingers that run along the black and white keyboard freely, stirring your emotions every time. The way he moves his body to the melody, up and down is really contagious. Haha... comical huh. That's my memory of him.

Feeling sleepy... must have been the piano playing taking effect (Nice music soothes one soul).
Good night to the world.