We human are forgetful.

Photographs depicting past relationships meant nothing more than a picture that belonged to history. Mementos were nothing more than a souvenir that was coaxed into buying by the persistent salesgirl.

Why are people so heartless? The memories and bonds that were forged could not survive the weathering of time. I am no deny of this too.

I could no longer remembered how I felt when I gotten my first love letter. Neither could I remember my first love. They were nothing but vague memories coupled with intense emotions that still surface now and then.

However, memories of the the satay beehoon I had 20 minutes ago and the chicken rice I had for lunch are fresh and vivid. Human, arent we pathetic?

"Anywhere but here..." she ran down the flight of steps holding back her tears.
"Anywhere but here..." sped through the field.
"Anywhere but here..." the wind combed her hair.
"Anywhere but here..." tears warmed her cold cheeks.

Suddenly her feet gave way and she squatted.

After a long time...

Girl (trembling voice): Am I visible?
Boy (smiling at her): I've been watching for a while.
Girl: You have been watching me, so I didn't disappear.
Boy walked up to girl and held her hand.
Boy : You better not disappear. I've came to throw you a party
Girl: Nothing is going to make me feel better.
Boy (smiles): then I'll make you cry plentiful.

"Bring it on..." I whispered as my legs trembled in my 4 inch heels.

The ruffle hair transformed into smooth curls.
Colour pencils on drawing boards has transpose on my face.
Gone were the days.
Gone were the months.
Gone were the years.

Sad movies still bring tears.
Rainy days still has an effect on me.
My heart still races while waiting at the arrival hall.
Still secretly believing there's such a thing call miracle.
Time freezes.
Time froze.
Frozen.

A silhouette of a little girl holding on to her trusty piggy in raincoat and boots.
At her feet stood a worn out rustic Sunkist brown luggage rimed with gold at the corners.

In fear and courage the yellow boots lifted off the ground.

Complexity infuses confusion
Tug of heartstrings; pure agony
Rise and fall of emotions
Variegated hues of life;
Demanding much sacrifice and pain
Rampant integrity of hypocritical behaviors
Who are you exactly?
Jogging and stirring my thoughts
Coupled with anxiety and adrenaline
A bagful of insanity

No matter how I think , that was probably love
A memory that is already erasing
Now, I finally understand that feeling
Now all I left that is your shadow,
Now.. all that's left
is your cold image of your back
It leaves me shivering.  And so sad
For a long time i stared at the gate,
Thinking you would come by my side
In the morning, I look out of the window and said
That thing called love that overlaps with time
that goes by swiftly and quietly like the wind.
A love like that, i miss so much
All i have left are my feelings.

*******************************************************
<i>Lifehouse - From where you are</i>

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I am finally updating this virtual space of mine.

It has already been almost 6 months since I stepped into the society. Many earth-shaking events (my convocation wasnt one of them, that's for sure)have occurred and I am lucky enough to experience it in my lifetime (will it stretch beyond my lifetime??). The global economic crisis will be one of the more revolutionary events in the business world after the Great Depression. *Lucky huh...* This is a time of CHANGE (Ya, not as if I dunno, change is the only thing that remains constant). The success of businesses strategies adopted years back will be put to test. Only the strong and robust (/conservative??) businesses will withstand the crisis . It is a time of truth, a time of judgment, a time of re-structuring, a time of improvement, a time of changing perceptions. Only the strong minded will emerge champions in this invincible battlefield of tragedy. Sad but true.

I guess I should count myself lucky to be able to stay employed in this global economic crisis. In one of the casual conversations with my fellow uni-mate, found out that some of his friends were sent out the doors after working for a couple of months. The common reason given was that the companies do not wish to spend their resources training them. This reinforces the importance of continual self learning even though we have stepped out education institution. We have to take ownership of our job-skills learning and do not rely on the company. The company can only assist in our learning process. Only I myself can help myself.

Cold as it may sound; this doesn’t mean we should be indifferent/isolate ourselves from the company. Hmm... The relationship between man and company is some what similar to that of a parent-child. Parents will assist in the child's development. If it does, it is a win-win situation. Child becomes a valve-added asset to the parent. However the child must be willing to develop in the first place and go the extra mile in search for their potential and passion. (Very ideologistic hor... i think so too. Wondering will I still be saying this if i am the one who kenna fired)

It will be a long torturous journey, but I want to believe that the emerging generation (young working adults) will make it through in this time of difficulties. Indeed it is easier to start anything from scratch because you set the tempo and definition. Saving an on-going thing is always much more challenging especially when we have to unlearn our pre-defined mind-set before we can adopt a new tempo/working style. It will be a tough battle ahead as we are all still learning to unlearn.

Learning how to unlearn
(I am unlearning the Always-kenna-squeeze-me-out-of-the-train-but-I-am-fine attitude and learning the STATE-oF-the-ART-I-will-get-my-space-in-the-train- but-still-remain-as-graceful-and-at-the-same-time-not-labelled-as-KIASU along the train platform. I am still learning to squeeze into the train every morning. * i dread the morning rush*)

I had a great start to the year. My body was all geared up for all the challenges and obstacles ahead. The energy and spirit was excellent, as though I was fueling on red bull. Nothing could pull me down. I was happy being able to work and contribute to the society. At least I thought...

My mind is unsettle and my spirit is on roller coaster the last two days. The body started to throw tantrum. Undergoing two nights of unsettled rest has killed all the positive spirit. I am feeling even more tired every morning than the night before. This is bad. Consolation, I love my job and all the dreadfulness/tiredness it not because of working. All the ridiculous dreaming throughout the night is killing me gradually. It is a mental strain.

If I did my math correctly, there is a possibility that all the crankiness may be due PMS.
Whatever it is... I just want to get myself back. It is just too much for my body to take if this continues on.

I need to be well rested. It will be another hell of battle during CNY. *Sigh*

Should I call it quits?

Was I being disillusional that things will turn out well?
Probably it is time for me to end this little chapter of my life.

Been warned the torment that I've to go through but I've set my mind to the it regardless. This isnt the first and I doubt it will be the last. I taunt my stubbornness that taunts me.

"The glass is half full. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Happy ending. Things will fall in place to their rightful destinations" The immeasurable stupidity parasite that cant leave its host. Perhaps their coexistence is not symbiotic. After all birds of the same feather, flock together. The classic duo--dumb and dumber.

'Don't break my bubble' that's how my stubbornness would defend. Actually, please do not bother trying. My bubble is indestructible. Whenever my beliefs get contested, tears just flow and no longer than half a day, I'll resume living in my world. Blame it on my short term memory. Actually you cant because it is hereditary.

Immeasurable stupid girl.